Yet Another Rainy Day

There is nothing more boring than someone telling you they are on a diet and mentioning it at every meal and every time someone brings cake into the office (“oh no I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet”).  Except perhaps someone telling you what they dreamed about last night. But nonetheless I am going to spend this blog post talking about dieting.

I am not a petite woman.  At nearly 5’ 11” I could lose a huge amount of weight to be just below my BMI and I am sure I would still not be less than a UK size 12, because as well as being tall I have broad shoulders and wide hips.  Fortunately when there has been any weight gain in my life this has meant it has not been in areas that are too problematic.

But lately when I have looked at myself in photos standing next to others, I have felt very unhappy with the contrast.  I mean I am nearly always taller than other women, but if it is coming to a point where it is not just a question of height but also of size compared to others then something has to be done.

So I fear this means going on a diet.  I hate dieting.  It is so tedious.  Eating the same few meals over and over because you know they are healthy.  Weighing every single item that goes on your plate to count calories.  Denying yourself the foods that you like because you know they just are not good for you.  Miserable.

I have dieted on and off in my life and had some success in early adulthood.  But working out what you can eat to maintain that correct weight is not easy unless you keep being completely obsessive about what you are eating.  To be honest in recent years I have not put a huge amount of effort in to try and achieve that.  I think because I find it so depressing.  As I get ever closer to the dreaded middle age though, I know it is something I have to address.

I am not inactive.  Sure I have a sedentary job but I walk a lot and most days easily walk well over the recommended 10,000 steps a day.  I go to the gym and practice yoga but instances of me actually managing to do either of those are in reality too infrequent to make a genuine difference to weight loss.

And so as I have been thinking about all this a lot in recent weeks a revelation has come to me: I consider food as a reward.

If I have had a long day (and there are lots of those with the commute I have) I eat something nice.  If I have achieved something or am having a day off, I eat something nice.  If things have all gone to the dogs and I am feeling pretty low, I eat something nice.  If I have been to the gym I can definitely eat something nice because I have already burned off the calories.  But pretty soon that is adding up to eating food that is not very good for me nigh on every day because I can always find a reason to do so.

It looks like it is going to be a question of finding other ways to reward myself for getting through, and not reaching for the comfort that is food.  Quite what that will be I do not know.  The suggestions for replacements I have found so far via a swift google have been uninspiring. 

I like food and I like the sensation of eating.  Is it any wonder that I have found it a comfort and something to reward myself with.  But I am not blind to the fact that that is an unhealthy mindset.

So I need to find a new attitude.  Maybe I need to not consider this a diet but a new approach.  An approach that is not eating for comfort but to be healthy.  One that is putting in good quality fuel into my body. One where I am not dealing with the ups and downs of life by eating biscuits.

That is quite a change and it remains to be seen whether it will be a success.  So in order to avoid the risk of becoming that most tedious of people who goes on about their diet constantly, I will try not to write too much about it here.  Unless somehow it is a total success.